Come home
by Caitlin141414
Summary: Lexa, Bellamy, Octavia, Lincoln and Echo all decide to look for Clarke after her being missing for over four weeks of being missing. Set after season 2. Mainly Clexa. Disclaimer I don't own the 100 or any of the characters but I wish I did. T rating for now.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** **Lexa, Bellamy, Octavia, Lincoln and Echo all decide to look for Clarke after her being missing for over four weeks of being missing. Set after season 2. Mainly Clexa. Disclaimer I don't own the 100 or any of the characters but I wish I did.**

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 **So I am doing two stories on the run with each other with the Emison one and this one, hope you enjoy. I am doing this a chapter every week or mostly every week maybe a little less. If you enjoy please review, follow or favorite.**

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 **Lexa's prov**

I was sat on my throne stabbing the wooden armrest with my knife trying to get out of the tireless amount of demons which surround me, Costia, Anya, Gustus and Clarke but most of all Clarke. She has been missing for over four weeks now and I have no idea if she alive or dead and it's all my fault. I stab my knife harder into the wood as images of Clarke fill my mind with her lying dead and a million every single thing she has ever said to me. The girl who I deeply care about, no the girl I love might be dead because of me and my stupid deal with the mountain men. Maybe if I would of fought beside her like I promised she wouldn't have to kill the people in the mountain to save her own. "Heda, Belomi kom Skaikru wishes to have a word with you." Indra told me entering my tent. I stab my knife deep enough into the wood so it stands on it's own. I see the look in her eyes telling me that I am being foolish about my anger towards my betrayal of Clarke but would never dare to mention it in my presence.

I wave my hand saying "Let him in." That disapproving look is getting stronger in her eyes. "Nau Indra!" I snap not having the patience today.

"Sha, Heda." She says walking out of my tent to go and allow the sky boy in, shaking her head like always whenever she disagrees with me following anything but my head which is not what I am doing right now.

He enters the tent and his look changes to a glare when he sees me. He is sleep deprived after probably picking up the scrapes of what was left in Camp Jaha due to the fact he was the only illegitimate leader left after Clarke is god knows where and the 'Chancellor' being too weak to lead with Marcus Kane not leaving her side until she was to be cleared. "What is it which you are bothering me with Bellamy of the sky people, I am busy?" I ask lying about the busy part after the war there is a silence of peace making my job very easy.

"What stabbing your throne is more important than what I have to say?" He snapped making me roll my eyes ignoring his snark. "Any way I am leading a search for Clarke." He paused and I went into a phase of emotionless trying not to let the guilt crush me.

"Why would that concern me?" I lie trying not to sound worried for Clarke even though I am. She was raised in space and doesn't know the first thing about surviving on her own, what the hell was she thinking?

"Because Echo, Octavia and Lincoln wish to join me and I think so do you." He said bluntly with a smirk. I have two options here as I always do. Go with my head and throw him out of my camp for even assuming I care about Clarke or go with my heart and agree to look for Clarke. My head is probably the best thing for my people but last time I choose my head over my heart when it involves Clarke causes pain on both of us also if they do find her she will need someone to hate, and if that means her safety I am all up for being that person. "I am waiting for an answer, Lexa." He is kinda pushing his luck right now by using my real name but he is also proving a point that he is talking to me personally not the Heda.

"How long would this search go on for?" I ask not giving him an answer yet but maybe a small hope that I might say yes, I guess he is thinking the same as me with the whole hating thing.

"Until we find her." Bellamy responds quickly.

"Why does Echo wish to come, to my knowledge she doesn't know Clarke so why risk her life for her?" I ask not getting why a women of the Ice Nation who doesn't know of Clarke so why care to save her with a bunch of people from two clans which her's hate.

"She wishes for my safety and for me to stop worrying over my best friend." I know of his plant of the key word, best friend, to show me he holds no romantic feelings towards the girl I love making me dislike him a lot less than before how I thought he did. I guess that him and Echo have become close over the past moon cycle, close enough that Echo would give up her life for him. "You know Lexa love isn't weakness. I will be back in one day and I will be expecting an answer." He then turned walking out of my tent leaving me to think about what he said. Did Clarke tell him about what happened? No she couldn't have, he was deep in Mount Whether, yes she could of told him about me telling Clarke that love is weakness but not about us. Is it that obvious? I sigh in frustration giving up on trying to control the poison which is filling my mind leaving my tent to go busy myself with something other than Clarke and her sky people.

I found Octavia and Lincoln talking with Indra about something. They all shut up seeing me, I know what it is about, Clarke. I give them all a look as to say tell me what is going on, none of them speak. "What were you all arguing about?" I ask with a cold voice looking at them all.

"Clarke." Octavia said earning a death glare from her former mentor.

"Indra what is your opinion on this matter?" I ask her directly.

"I think it would be foolish to go after the girl without a knowing whether or not she still lives." She says truthful looking at all of us. The image of Clarke dead fills my mind again sending a chill down my spine and a renewed sense of wanting her safe.

"And if she lives?"

"Still foolish, it was her choice to leave the safety of her camp and none of you should follow in her footsteps." I feel this sense of rage fill me, more than any rage which I have ever felt on the battlefield even more than when Costia got taken by the Azkwin, I must find Clarke but to do that I would have to leave my people.

"You can't stop me from leaving Indra, remember I am no longer your second." Octavia snapped crossing her arms earning another glare from Indra.

"But the Heda can." Each one of the three looked at me.

"Octavia and Lincoln I give my blessing as the Heda for you to search for your lost friend." I say making Octavia smirk, Lincoln nod a silent thank you and a hard glare from Indra. "Do you challenge my authority as your Heda, Indra?" I ask in a cold voice and she turns back to her normal emotionless self.

She shakes her head. "No, Heda, I did not wish to offend." She then walks off in a angry huff to go and order some warriors to get back to the patrol or something like that so she doesn't make me angry causing me to tie her to a tree. Octavia seems more smug than normal about me putting Indra in her place because since I pardoned her and Lincoln allowing them back into the Trigedakru Octavia and Indra have been arguing every chance they get with Lincoln breaking it up before it can get physical.

"Mochof Heda." Lincoln said and I nod my head at him in a silent goodbye. Lincoln pulls Octavia away before she says something stupid getting herself in trouble even though I would go easy, I have developed a sort of friendship with Octavia over the last month mostly because she is the only one who told me the truth after Mount Weather which made me respect her and that respect turned into friendship.

I spot Bellamy and Echo talking as I walk past. He flashes a cocky smile at me basically saying I know your secret and what your answer will be. I roll my eyes ignoring him continuing to walk around the newly rebuild village of TonDC. Many warriors either evade my gaze for nod their head in a show of respect however most do the first opinion. I reach the place where the children over 10 are training. They all don't seem to notice me which can be seem as good and bad for a warrior however I'm not in the mood to correct anything today. The oldest of the children finally realizes I am watching them all train and elbows his friend who quickly looks at me. Their trainer, Anguz, sees their distraction and follows their eyes to me. "Heda what a pleasure to see you down here." He says with a fake smile and I notice the fear in his expression.

I walk down closer to the place where the children were. "I thought she was too busy thinking about the Skai Prisa." One of the boys, who looks about 15, whispers a little to loud to one of his friends who coughs trying to stop from laughing. I also realized Anguz had heard him and hit both of the boy on the back of the head, pretty hard.

"Anguz, another hour they seem to be not working as hard as they should be." I order him to do and he nods. The rest of the children glare at the boy who had made the comment. I walk away from the training warriors hearing the clashing of swords as I leave. I need to consider what I am going to do about Clarke and the search for her but I will not make a final decision until Bellamy comes tomorrow for my answer.

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I was sat in my tent after having a horrible nights sleep with the same nightmare from the past few nights of Clarke lay dead whispering in her last words that it was all my fault. I was pretty sure my own mind was cursing me to lose my sanity because of my betrayal of the Skaikru at Mount Weather. The first week I tried not to feel bad saying it was for my people but then slowly as the nightmares and I had more time to think it was starting to break me. I was looking at the map thinking about where Clarke would of gone like I had until late in the night. I heard from Octavia she went North from Camp Jaha but that was again four weeks ago. "Heda the sky boy is here to see you again." Indra said in a stern voice.

"Let him in." I said not looking up from the map. My eyes saw the place where the Ice Nation is and a flood of worry filled me. What if the their Queen had Clarke and was using her against me as she did Costia and all I would ever see of her was her head. Bellamy coughed taking me out of my trance. I turned to look at him.

"You look like you didn't sleep at all last night." He stated and I guess he was right because I barely did.

"I could say the same for you." He did probably look as bad as me with the whole sleep deprived thing.

"So are you coming on the great search for the princess?" Bellamy said raising an eyebrow.

"Clarke told me once of how she hated the nickname princess." I add trying to hide a smile at the memory. It came up just after we were attack by Pauna and remember laughing at the story of how the name came about and why she hates it.

Bellamy chuckled "Yeah she does, I earn a glare whenever I call her that." He smiled then his smile dispersed. "I keep on thinking about what would happen if she is dead." Bellamy confessed and I could see sadness in his expression plaguing his mind.

"We will find that out ourselves." I say looking down at the map again.

"So you are joining us on the mighty quest of finding Clarke Griffin so you do have a heart." Bellamy says in amazement and a teasing voice. I roll my eyes at him ignoring his teasing for now, I do not wish to kill him but he is pushing his luck.

"Indra!" I call for my second in command who enters the tent within a few millisecond.

"Sha, Heda?"

"Go fetch Octavia, Lincoln and Echo for me please." I order and I can see the displeasure in her expression knowing all to soon what this means. She is about to argue before I open my mouth again. "I do not wish to hear it, Indra." She storms out of my tent to go get the three others.

"I was pretty sure you were going to put her on a poll for not doing it straight away." Bellamy chuckled moving next to me pointing to Camp Jaha on the map. "So Clarke went North from camp Jaha and Lincoln said if she kept going north she would be around here." Bellamy circled a part of the map above TonDc which is about an hour ride from here.

"Well that is if she didn't turn and if she did then she could be anywhere between here." I add circling a large circle on the map with a pencil. "However she knows not to go near the Ice Nation unless she wishes to scorn me with her death by the Azkwin but that would be foolish of her." I remove the area in the Ice Nations territory. Bellamy is looking at me then looks down at the map like he was trying to figure something out. "The Azkwin and I are not the best of friends. She enjoys killing people who I care for." I answer what he is most definitely is thinking.

"She sounds like a bitch." He says and I chuckle at his comment. "Clarke also knows that the south would be turning back so she probably wouldn't go that way anyway." Bellamy adds and I nod in agreement narrowing down what we have to search. It is weird how two people who would probably be at each others throats right now can unite in a common cause like finding someone you love.

I hear the tent open and both Bellamy and I turn around to find all three of the others in this search. "Wow Bell, she didn't take your head off for asking about Clarke. I'm surprised." Octavia said with a smirk making me roll my eyes turning back to the map.

"Octavia if you wish to help I would Shof op." I tease making her put her hands up in a fake surrender. "So you are suggesting that we leave both of our people leaderless until we return?" I ask Bellamy who shrugs as if it isn't a big deal.

"Clarke is the true leader and it's my duty to find her." Bellamy answers with a smirk.

"Heda, may I speak freely?" Echo asks me and I hear Octavia chuckle, after a whole month of speaking freely to me without even asking.

"Yes you may." I tell the ice girl. "At least you asked, you like someone else who decides that she has to speak freely to me at all times." I look at Octavia who laughs whilst Bellamy looks like at me like I have two heads.

He looks between Octavia and I with awe. "You make jokes?" He asks at me directly.

"When I'm not in the middle of war, I am capable of them. Please Echo what do you need to tell me?" I look back at Echo ignoring the Blake siblings totally.

She pauses looking at Bellamy before turning back to me. "Why do you wish to accompany us on our search for the Clarke?" She looks almost fearful most a amount as silence fills the tent.

"The same reason you wish to accompany Bellamy." I simply answer seeing the realization take over her face. "Any way Lincoln how long would you say it would take to search all of this." I ask the only, apart from me, Trigedakru born in the room.

He scratches the back of his head trying to work it out before answering "By foot about 2 weeks but by horse it would be about 2 to 3 days." He answers and all of us look at him as if to say why would we choose the one where Clarke has more of a chance to get away. He chuckles in agreement. "I guess we will be going by horse."

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We had been travelling for a day and a bit with only about 8 hours of rest and re-evaluation about how to find Clarke. Bellamy was being nauseatingly cute with Echo with him trying to learn how to ride a horse and failing terribly. Octavia was being too witty for her own good mostly towards me making me retort quickly and then so would she, so on, so on with Lincoln always breaking it up or making a point neither of us couldn't laugh at. It was weird not being burdened with the responsibility of being the Heda 24/7. "What does Lexa and a vagina have in common?" Bellamy asks in a joking tone making me look at him questionably and the rest of them raise their eyebrows. "One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit." He jokes making everyone bar Octavia who laughs lightly roll their eyes.

"So I'd watch yourself." I warn making him chuckle and as I turn back to look ahead. I spot a few drops of fresh blood trickling down the tree just ahead but it goes off in three directions. They seem to notice the same time as me going silent. "I'll go left, Echo, Bellamy you go straight ahead and Lincoln, Octavia go right." They all agree getting off their horses tying them to a tree so they don't run off with only the emergency supplies on my back which is bandages, water, food and a few knives.

I sprint off to the left with my hand right near my sword. I must of been running about 2 minutes before I hear the clashing off metal up ahead and a gasp of pain. My first glimpse of blonde hair comes into view, Clarke. She is battling two lone clan members, I think they were once Trigedakru but they left before the war started. Clarke's arm gets sliced just as I throw one of my knives making it land effortlessly in the back of the tallest ones' skull. My sword is in the back of the other's chest before either could even process what was happening. "Lexa?" She says in complete shock as I put my sword away.

She is bleeding heavily from the wound in her upper arm. I quickly grab the bandages and water from my supplies pouring the water onto Clarke's cut on her arm cleaning it a little making her hiss in pain. "Lexa, what are you doing here?" She asks as I wrap one of the bandages around her arm.

"Saving your life." I simply tying a knot to keep it together. I step away from her putting the supplies away not making eye contact. When I turn back to look at her a fist hits me in the face. Pain shots through my face from Clarke's strike. I look back at her raising an eyebrow. "Did that make you feel better, Clarke?" I ask fully expecting it to happen sooner or later.

"You were meant to fight with me! You were meant not betray me! I hate you!" She shouts letting out all of the stored anger pushing her back. I don't fight back as she pushes me again so I'm against a tree. Her eyes lock with mine and her lips crash into mine. I'm surprised for a moment after all she did just say she hates me and hit me in the face. I kiss her back as she kisses me more forcibly pressing me harder against the tree. She breaks the kiss. "Shouts and hitting you didn't make me feel any better but kissing did." She says with a slight smile and I chuckle.

"Do you want to come back to the real world Clarke or leave with the deer?" I ask raising an eyebrow, she grins.

"I want to come home."

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 **I hope you enjoyed and please tell me if you did.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N- Thanks for all of the amazing support with 34 follows, 13 favorites and 5 reviews please keep it up.**

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 **Clarke's prov**

I am following Lexa back to where ever she is going. The weird thing about my anger towards Lexa is that it is almost gone, I tried to hate her so hard. When I saw her about a thousand thoughts went through my head. I punched her in the face and screaming at her didn't make me feel even a little better, maybe a little worse than before due to the fact I caused her pain. I'm not saying I forgive her but I get why she did it, for her people. I did the same in Mount Weather. I wonder if Lexa can't live with herself and that is why she here saving my life...again. We reach a clearing in the trees with four horses tied to trees, I recognize Lexa's horse but the others I don't. Of course Lexa brought people to help her. "Clarke you're thinking too hard?" She states raising an eyebrow.

"Why did you come to find me, Lexa?" I ask crossing my arms.

"You'd be dead if I didn't, Clarke." I know she is avoiding my question and I think I know her answer.

"I hate you." I mutter in a frustrated voice making Lexa chuckle.

"You've said." Why does Lexa have to be so damn cocky every second, it's like her job right now is to piss me off. That smirk and raise of the eyebrow makes me so darn aggravated with her. Why can't she just not annoy me for a few minutes. "Did you know my people now call you Skia Prisa?" She comments out of the blue looking at the sun before looking slightly nervous with a smile.

"I don't speak Trigedasleng so please translate." I say trying to sound angry but that smile makes me want to melt into a little puddle so being angry is hard.

"Now don't get mad at me, it was Octavia who started it." Why the hell is Octavia talking to Lexa, I thought they hated each other. "It means the Sky Princess." She adds making me roll my eyes and frowning. Lexa chuckles as she takes a sip of water out of a flask handing me it. I take it taking a sip, we don't break eye contact thought out it all. It's kind of hot.

"Clarke!" I hear someone shout before arms wrap around my neck in a hug. It's Octavia. I return the hug feeling a little weird because well this is the most human contact I've had in the month I've been out here with me punching, pushing and kissing Lexa and now Octavia hugging me tightly. "How did you find her?" She asks looking at Lexa.

"Simple, I'm better than you." Lexa smirks in a challenging voice.

"Ha I could of found her if we took that route and do it within half of the time." Octavia retorts in a equally challenging voice. I look back and forth between the two with amazement, mostly because no one talks to Lexa like that and Octavia is doing it like it's normal.

"No you would of got her killed with your bad aim."

"I don't have bad aim!"

"You can't even hit a none moving object never mind moving!"

"Liar!"

"Prove I'm not lying Octavia because you have bad aim."

"God sake you two make my head hurt with this arguing." Bellamy walks up to them breaking it up like it's happened before. I'm stood there in confusion without an explanation. He sees me and smiles engulfing me in a hug. I return it still confused. He breaks the hug and sees the bloody bandage around my arm. "Clarke what happened?" Bellamy asks in a concerned voice.

"I was betrayed by rouge grounders who then tried to kill me but lucky the commander was there." I tell him in a cold voice.

"Clarke you forgot to tell them about how you punched me in the face after saving your life." Lexa said cocky and the weirdest thing happened Octavia moved Lexa's head to see where I hit her and make a gasp making Lexa chuckle.

I look between Lexa and Octavia to see Lexa hit the other girl's hand away playfully. "What? How?" I tilt my head to the sound as I point back and forth between them. The stop looking at me with smirks.

"Octavia was the only person who told me that I was an ass," Lexa begins standing up moving towards me but is cut off my Octavia.

"The biggest ass." She adds with a smirk towards Lexa who just rolls her eyes.

"I respected that and someone how our mutual respect turned into friendship, not ask how. I don't know either." Lexa then turned to go and untie her horse without any other word. "We should be heading back, leaving the Sky people have been very stupid lately and might start a war with mine." Lexa states with a slight teasing tone, I know I've only really been around Lexa whilst she was the commander and in the middle of war but this is a complete different side.

"Agreed." Bellamy says as if he knows what she's talking about, he probably does. "You know half of the guard and the remaining 100 harsh me about starting a war with them just for abandoning us however I know how many warriors you have so I don't want to squashed under your boot." He tells us all and I guess he's the leader of our people but why isn't my mom.

"Why isn't my mom the leader?" I ask with real concern.

"Well some of her wounds got infected after Mount Weather so she fell ill and still isn't fit to lead but she'll live." He tells me and my eyes widen, I almost lost my mom and I didn't even know it.

"May I add she would have if I hadn't sent Nyko." Lexa said making me look at her thankfully.

"Like she said most of our people are stupid." He adds with a chuckle and I then I notice the warrior to his side. I kind of recognize her but I don't know how. Bellamy sees my confusion and puts his arm out the women. "Clarke this is Echo, my girlfriend, Echo this is Clarke, my best friend." He introduces and my eyes widen again, girlfriend. I know Earth is fast paced but I've been gone four weeks. I've been gone four weeks.

"Skia Prisa I've heard a lot about you." She says with a slight smile.

"I wish I could say the same." I said with smile then realize what she just called me and turn to Octavia who is trying to not laugh. "Hey Octavia I hate you for coming up with that name." I say jokingly making her laugh.

"Clarke, you should really be more consistent with who you say I hate you to." Lexa teases stroking the nose of her horse. "We should be going." She mounts her horse effortless. So does the other four I'm with. Lexa puts her hand out towards me and I take it being half pulled onto the horse. I don't know where to put my hands, around her waist or...

Lexa takes my hands wrapping around her waist like she's reading my mind or something. I feel kind of safe holding onto Lexa like I never want to let go. However I'll never tell her that, we don't want her ego growing even more.

The whole ride back to Camp Jaha, they've been telling me of things which have happened since I've been gone like Raven and Wick which I wasn't that shocked at really. Then also how Bellamy and Echo became a couple, how Lincoln and Octavia are doing but most shocking how Lexa and Octavia became friends, it was very confusing. We were just out of sight of Camp Jaha when everyone stops. "Why are we stopping?" I ask as I realize that my head is on Lexa's shoulder with my body pressed against hers.

She looks back at me as I take my head off my shoulder. "Echo, Lincoln and I are going back to Tondc whilst you, Octavia and Bellamy will be going inside. How we are no longer allies that would be unwise." She looks at me and even though I know she's right I don't want her to leave me.

"Okay." I mutter getting off her horse feeling my stomach sink. Bellamy and Octavia do the same as Lincoln takes Octavia's horse by the reins kissing her soft goodbye. Lexa nods as they start riding back to Tondc whilst the Blake siblings go in the direction of Camp. I go to follow them but Lexa grabs my arm getting of her horse. She kisses me softly but the kiss is broken before I can kiss her back. "May we meet again." I tell her with a slight smile.

"May we meet again." She mounts her horse riding to join the two other grounders. I half run to catch up with Bellamy and Octavia who smile at me as I do.

Octavia puts a arm around my shoulders with a smirk. "Clarke, can I call your girlfriend Commander Heart Eyes now?" She asks playfully raising an eyebrow

"Lexa's not my girlfriend kissing her three times doesn't mean we are together." I say blushing thinking about Lexa being my girlfriend and curse myself for the slip of the tongue of us sharing three kisses; the one in her tent, the one after I punched her in the face and the one a few seconds ago. I smile looking down remember how soft her lips are each time we kiss and how her touch makes my skin burn with desire.

"You've kissed three times?" Bellamy asked in disbelief with a smirk seeing my smile.

"Shut up." I mutter trying to hide the smile and the blush. To be honest I've missed his gentle teasing, really I've missed both of their teasing. I see the gates to Camp Jaha and feel my stomach drop. I could just turn back and run again. I would be fine, they would be fine. I don't need to be here. Bellamy rubs my shoulder nodding saying silently I will be okay and I'm needed a lot more than I think. The whole of the camp is busy and thriving.

I hear shouting of not to shoot and my breathing has quicken by a lot. I look at Bellamy who gives me a nod and then Octavia who smiles. The gates swing open and some look our way. Their mouths hand open when they see me but I don't see anyone of the 100. "Clarke, you're back!" Monty shouts as I see him. He is grinning as we hug quickly. Jasper is in the background and I see the anger in his gaze, I guess he hasn't forgiven me for killing Maya. I haven't truly forgiven myself either. A few of the the 100 hug me.

I spot Raven too concentrated on something to realize what is going on with Wick helping her out. "Raven, Clarke's back!" Octavia shouts making the other girl turn around with a grin. She runs, the best she can with the brace on her leg, at me engulfing me in a hug.

The hug breaks and she is smirking. "Did you find out where the wild things are?" She teases and I give her a look to shut up, she laughs. "I've missed not being able to make fun of you, Princess." She grins earning a glare.

"Shut up, Raven." I say with a grin when I see Jasper walk up to us. "Hey Jasper." I say awkwardly rocking on the back of my heels waiting for him to say something to me.

He pulls me into a hard, awkward hug. I return it trying not let the hug be as awkward. "Nice to see you...safe." He says with a slight smile which I return. I really need to talk to him about what happened at Mount Weather and why I decide I had to kill everyone including his girlfriend.

"Gather round!" Bellamy shouts making everyone come towards Bellamy, Octavia, Monty, Raven, Jasper and I in a circle. They are all whispering pointing at me, most seem okay with it but some are a little angry. "I pass over my leadership as the Chancellor to Clarke as she is the only reason we are alive today." He shouts making the whispering louder. I look at him with in complete shock, we didn't talk about this.

"Bellamy what the hell are you doing?" I whisper feeling my throat close.

He leans closer to me. "I was never the true leader of our people Clarke. You are." He pats my shoulder leaning back out.

"Chancellor, are we going to war with the grounder for what they did to us at the mountain?" One of the people in the huddle shout with some people agreeing looking straight at me.

"War?" I shout angrily. "You want me to sign all of our death sentences?" I continue looking at them all. "I get what the Commander did at the Mountain, she saved her people by giving up us. I did the same with the people of the mountain. I killed so many innocent for you to live! I am not declaring war wasting the last month I've spent tormented with each one of the innocent lives I took just so we can all be died by the dawn! I do not ever want to hear this again or there will be punishment for trying to get us all killed!" They all go silent including the four around me as I push past them all going to the medical wing to go see my mom. I wipe a single tear from under my left eye taking a deep breathe as I push the flaps open.

I see my mom sat in the end bed talking to Marcus. She is looking better than what she did when I last saw her. She sees me and smile trying to stand up but winces. Marcus helps her up and I walk towards her. "Hi mom." I smile at her and she hugs me. I break the hug helping her back to the bed.

"Where have been, Clarke?" She asks as I sit on the bed. Marcus leaves the tent nodding at me as he does.

"I was never really anywhere too long." I say truthfully and she kisses my forehead affectionately touching my injured arm. I hiss with pain when she comes into contact with the wound I only received four hours par to this. She looks at my arm and quickly removes the bandage. I look down at the nasty looking wound which isn't that deep but is long so it won't need stitches.

"Go get my some disinfectant, a cloth and new bandages with a soaking pad now!" She orders and I roll my eyes walking over to the supplies. I quickly grab what she wants handing it back to my mom. I sit back down what she needs. She puts a bit of the disinfectant on the cloth putting it over the wound. The area around the wound and the wound itself starts burning making me grunt trying to hide the pain. My mom puts the soaking pad in place as she wraps the bandage around my arms tightly. I think I liked it better when Lexa did it at least her touch was comforting but I think that's just because it was Lexa, who I don't have feelings for, that's some crazy talk there. Once she's finished she smiles at me. "How did that happen, Clarke?"

"I got attacked by some rogue grounders...Lexa saved my life by killing both of my attackers." I tell her and she looks conflicted at the mention of what Lexa did probably because my mom hates Lexa but is grateful she saved me. I have to stop myself from thinking about the women who has, who has definitely not stolen my heart. Her perfect kissable lips, her green eyes which makes my stomach do somersaults, her voice, no her voice when she says me name. It's like an angel talking to me. Clarke stop! I don't have feelings for Lexa! I don't have feeling her Lexa! Maybe she's beautiful and strong but I don't having feelings for her!

She sits up straighter. "I love you, Clarke and I'm happy you're safe." She says breaking my thoughts yawning just after she finishes and I see the bags under her eyes.

I hug her again kissing her forehead lightly muttering "I love you too, mom." I straighten up with a slight smile. I start to walk out of the tent only stopping when I reach the exit to look back at my now sleeping mom. At least she's alive. I sigh leaving her tent seeing about 10 guards screaming at Marcus. I know it's about me or the grounders.

He shakes one of the men's hands before walking over to me. "Clarke, are you okay?" He asks in an concerned voice probably because he doesn't want me losing my mind and making our people die during the winter which is only half a moon cycle away. Crap.

"How are the preparations for winter?" I ask totally ignoring his earlier question.

"Great, we have enough food and water to survive well and Raven has found away to keep the cold out of our tents with the heat being kept in." Bellamy says patting my shoulder. I see the quick warning signal to the other man about provoking me, I guess they all think I'm insane. Great, just great.

All of a sudden shouting from some of the guards at the wall. I sprint over to where the shouting is coming from. A female guard has a gun pointed at Octavia. "How don't we know you won't kill us, You're a grounder!" She screams at my best friend. I grab the knife from my waist throwing it at the women. It hits her hand making her drop the gun with a scream of pain. Thank god that those Rogues taught me how to throw a knife before they tried to slice my throat.

The rest of the guard pick her up putting handcuffs on her and I take my knife swiftly out of her hand putting it back where it belongs. I nod at them as they take her away inside of the Ark. Most of the people around are gathered. I offer a hand to Octavia who takes it. Bellamy hugs his sister when he gets to her. "Octavia is one of us and Trigedakru. She is one of the few people in this camp who I can trust with my life so attack her, you attack me!" I shout looking at all of them. "We are not going to turn on one another, Winter is coming and we need to stay strong for it or we will all die. So get back to work and stop thinking about war, peace is the only way we will all survive." I finish looking at them all. Most cheer in agreement with a few staying silent before they join in. Then they all go back to their work stations like they are meant to be right now.

Bellamy smiles at me. "See you are needed here, you're our leader no matter what." He pats me on the shoulder before walking away. I take a deep breathe pulling my jacket into my body more walking to where my tent is.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N- Welcome back and I am now doing a single quote to represent this chapter, tell me what you think. The support is just crazy, 8 reviews, 17 favorites and 49 follows which is just amazing for this only being my third chapter. Please keep it up if you enjoy!**

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"You can run from the truth. You can run and hide from the truth.  
You can deny and avoid the truth. But you cannot destroy the truth. Nor can you make the lie true. You must know that love will always uncover the truth."  
-Delano Johnson

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 **1 week later**

 **Clarke's prov**

I have admit that being back is making me feel better about what I did to all of those people back at Mount Weather however it's also a giant pain in my ass. I swear to god that half of the people here need me to know when they scratch their knee wanting me to kiss it better like what the actual fuck is wrong with them. One good, or maybe bad, thing is that the continuous nightmares have stopped about me killing all of those people however now they are now replaced by Lexa turning me over to the Mountain or the Ice Nation or saying she doesn't care about me, but I don't care if she cares about me or not. That's a stupid thing to think, I don't love Lexa. Stupid thing to even imagine.

I take a final deep breathe before grabbing my jacket from the table on my right. I walk out of my tent to see everyone working for once without anyone making claims about the Grounders to me. "Chancellor there are Grounders at the gate." _There goes me not thinking about Lexa for the day. Not that I think about Lexa all of the time or anything._

I look at the Gate to see three Grounders on horses and an extra horse which looks a lot like Lexa's but different. I can't see who it is yet. "What do they want?" I ask looking at the guard. He shrugs not knowing. I groan walking over to the gate. It's easy to see who is at the gate now. Indra, Lincoln and Echo. "Open the gates." I order crossing my arms.

"Yes ma'am." The gates open slowly with my eyes trying to search for any sign of danger in Indra's cold eyes but there is nothing but coldness and some annoyance. They get off their horses leaving them just outside. I can feel the tension in the air and the deadly silence from everyone. Octavia hugs her boyfriend tightly when he gets near her, they briefly kiss. Echo hugs Bellamy but they don't kiss.

Indra approaches me and I smirk. "No hugs for me, right?" I slightly tease getting a bigger death glare.

"I'm here under orders from my Heda to deliver a message." She coldly says. I nod signaling for her to follow into my tent knowing this isn't something Lexa would want everyone to hear.

"What is your message?" I ask once we are out of ear shot from my people.

She uncrosses her arms. "The Commander wishes for you to come to Tondc to talk about the relationship between our people." _and probably where our relationship stands, not that we have one, ridiculous._

"Okay, When shall this meeting be?" I ask with my heartbeat quickening thinking about seeing Lexa or talking to Lexa or kissing Lexa. _I won't be kissing Lexa that was a one time thing, three time thing but not again. I love her, no I don't. She's like an angel with those kissable lips, her voice, those green eyes and how she protects me but I don't love her or maybe I do, no I don't._

Indra smirks seeing my inner war about my feelings, or none existing feelings, for Lexa. "She wishes for Lincoln, Echo and I to bring you back to Tondc." I nod in agreement as we walk out of my tent towards the gate.

"Bellamy, Octavia will you come with me to Tondc on business?" I ask the two siblings who are talking with their significant other. They grin nodding.

Once we reach the horses one of my senior guards come up with a concerned look. "Ma'am this is dangerous and you shouldn't go with only two of us who aren't even guards." She warns before I fully leave the gates.

"Tell Marcus he is in charge until I return." I brush off their question like I never even heard it earning a sigh as she goes back into the safety of our camp.

Indra hands me the reins to the horse which looks a bit like Lexa's. "A gift of good faith from the Commander." She tells me and I take the reins successfully hiding the smile with threatens to blow my whole I don't love Lexa facade, which isn't a facade because I don't. I mount the horse quickly as the gates close in front of me. Echo and Bellamy have already turned around with Echo in control of the horse. Lincoln and Octavia are waiting for Indra and I to turn around. We set off with great haste not wanting to be late.

 **Lexa's prov**

I am waiting for Indra to return with either Clarke or to tell me she doesn't want to talk to me which might break my heart a little. I came to terms with my love for the sky girl within the second week after the Mountain making the guilt even worse. I know that Clarke might not ever forgive me for what I did to her and her people and I wouldn't blame her either. My eyes are fixed on the map trying to see what my first move would be if the Ice Nation wanted to make war again how we no longer have a common enemy in the Mountain Men which was the main reason for our truce in the first place.

I hear voices outside but I ignore them not really paying attention to my surroundings. "Do you ever not look at the map?" Someone asks from the entrance of my tent. I look up to see Clarke with a slight smirk.

"I also sit in my throne and stab it with my knife." I tell her with an amused tone walking towards her. Why does she look like she hasn't sleep? Is she ill? "Clarke you should really sleep otherwise you will go insane."

"I can't sleep, Lexa." She snaps harshly crossing her arms.

I walk closer to the girl. "Do you want to talk about it or should we get to business?" I ask with concern for her mostly because I love her and seeing her in distress making me upset. She shakes her head and I see a war going on inside of her own mind, I know I'm to blame. "I think it would be wise to make a truce as to where my generals can come to your lands without having risk of being attacked and the same for your people when it comes to coming to my territory, we will not bring each other into wars unless asked." I say formally trying to ignore her beautiful blue eyes from melting my insides.

Our eyes connect for another few seconds before she breaks the connection. "That's a great idea...umm I totally agree." She says rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly trying to get rid of the obvious chemistry between us however I can't blame her, I did the same before she went missing and I realized how much she meant to me.

"Clarke, you should really sleep, in the nicest way you look like crap." I say bluntly and she is shocked with a bit of hurt in her expression. "However you are still the most beautiful women I've ever seen." I compliment making her blush hard even though I was just telling her the truth.

"I told you I can't sleep." She mutters still with her face as red as a tomato, _yes us Grounders grow and eat vegetables and fruit, we aren't just meat eaters._

"Clarke, it might help to talk about it and I promise I won't laugh at you." I say with a comforting smile touching her shoulder.

She mutters something which no one could even hear with it being to quiet and fast.

"What?"

Clarke takes a deep breathe. "Idreamthatyouleavemeagainandtellmeyoudon'tcareaboutme." She exhales and frowns at my confused expression not understanding a word that she is saying. "I dream that you don't care about me." She looks down blushing.

My eyes widen, I thought that it would be about the Mountain not me. I grab her chin softy making her look at me. "I will always care about you, Clarke. I'm in love with you." I say looking deeply into her eyes and I lightly kiss her. She kisses me back wrapping her arms around my neck and I hold onto her waist pulling our bodies closer. Her lips move against mine deepening it. Our lips detach so we can breathe.

"Ai laik in hodnes kom yu seintaim. (I'm in love with you too)" She says resting her forehead against mine. There is something totally sexy about Clarke talking Trigedasleng

"Know you taught you that one?" I kiss her again not getting enough of her lips on mine, they make my body come alive which not even Costia could do.

The kiss breaks again. "Octavia." It's all she can get out before our lips clash again. My tongue is against her bottom lip begging for entrance. She grants it almost automatically. We battle for dominance however I win.

"Heda, can I have a word with you and the Skai Prisa?" Indra says from outside of my tent. We break apart putting quite a bit of distance between us. Clarke is blushing making me smirk.

"If you must." I groan winking at Clarke who blushes again, I never thought someone could blush that much within a minute or maybe no one has ever really treated Clarke right. I know from Octavia that Finn, the murdering coward, was cheating on his current girlfriend with Clarke which is totally wrong. Has she ever been in a real relationship with no lying. God I wish I could of at least kick his ass for him not treating Clarke the way she should have been and that's without him murdering 18 innocent people from Tondc. Finn and Clarke loved each other for comfort and the fear of not wanting to be alone when you think you may die the next day only to be forgotten.

Indra walks into my tent sending a short glare towards Clarke who rolls her eyes fully expecting it. She really needs to grow up with this hatred of Clarke for having my love and in her eyes not being _worthy_. "Heda," She brows her head in my direction. "More of the Sky People are here claiming they don't trust us with the safety of their leader."

"Why are some of my people so stupid?" Clarke asks to no one really with a groan.

"Because you didn't have enough Oxygen on the Ark, it killed your brains." I suggest with a smirk. Clarke glares at me but I see the amusement in her expression too. "We will be out in a minute, thank you Indra." I say with a cold voice and Indra nods walking out of the tent. My eyes connect with Clarke's once more, I wonder if anyone has ever told her the stars still linger in her blue eyes making everything within them so much more beautiful than they would have been without them. I walk closer to Clarke moving a piece of her hair behind her hair. "I know we need to talk, Clarke, however right now we have to go and stop your people from doing something to offend mine." _God how much I want to kiss those perfect lips right now._ It uses all my willpower not to though. She kisses my cheek softly which would of smeared my warpaint if I wore any, which I don't in times of peace.

We walk out of my war tent to see about 10 of my warriors in plain sight with probably about 20 more hiding waiting for my signal. The gates are open to see about 10 sky people stood at the entrance. My eyes briefly connect with Clarke with us both thinking the same thing; branwadas (fools). I almost break my stone cold look when I stare into those blue eyes but it just about holds. Bellamy is next to Indra, both of them are angry at the 10 unwanted guests.

Once we reach the gate, Indra stands to my left. "What are you doing uninvited to my lands?" I ask in a cold, scary voice making a few gulp.

Then one steps forwards, I think he's from the 100. "You left us behind at the Mountain getting my girlfriend killed so why should I trust you...you...animals!" He spits with angry in his tone. I chuckle at his stupidity.

Everyone is looking at me trying to find out what I am thinking. "Heda, teik ai frag op em. (Commander, let me kill him)." Indra says angrily and I admit thinking it over for a few seconds. Her hand is on her swords so with two swift motions she would kill him. "Beja, Heda." She pleads and I look between him and Indra.

"Jasper are you insane, you can't say that?" Clarke snaps crossing her arms glaring at the boy.

"Oh Clarke you're just as bad. You killed all of those people and Maya who saved us so you can shut up too!" He shouts making Clarke look down at the floor. Anger flares in my body, Clarke saved his ass and is repaying her by shouting at her about killing his girlfriend to save so many more lives. I grab my sword from it's belt putting the point of the sword to this throat.

I apply enough pressure to draw blood staring into his eyes, only seeing fear. "I shall let you live, boy but only if you leave this every moment with the rest who came with you or I will kill you." I snap applying more pressure making him wince with pain and coughs. I remove the point of my sword from his throat and they all scramble back before setting off in a sprint back to their camp.

I grab Clarke's arm pulling back into the tent before she breaks down in front of everyone. As soon as we are out of sight and in the tent she slides down a table burying her face in her hand, choking back sobs. She looks so broke. I sit down next to her putting my arm around her shoulders making her fall into me. Her face into my shoulder crying. I rub her back. "I'm so sorry I did this to you, Clarke." I whisper into her hair.

"I...I killed...all of those...those...innocent people not you." She replies but is having trouble talking due to the sobbing. "The children...the innocent children...who...who hadn't done...done anything wrong." She adds pulling my body closer to hers wrapping her arms around my waist. I pull her onto my lap running my fingers through her blonde hair. I feel so guilty because if I hadn't of taken that deal, Clarke wouldn't be breaking down right now.

"Clarke, those children would have grown up to be just like their parents, you did what you had to do." I try to comfort her but she looks up at me with red, blood-shot eyes.

I wipe a tear from her cheek. "No one knows that would have, maybe they would have been different." She mutters and I pull her back into my body.

 **Clarke's prov**

I bring crying again as soon as I fall back into Lexa's body. "No Clarke, they would have grown to hate your people and would attack again. They wouldn't of changed." She buries her face in my hair being a sense of comfort and protect. I know she's right but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I'm a monster who killed hundreds of innocent people without knowing what would have happened if I didn't. I look back up at Lexa who is radiating love and devotion towards me, a monster who doesn't deserve love. "How can you even love me, I'm a monster?"

Her eyes connect with mine in an intense gaze. "I love you because you are strong, smart, brave, confident, beautiful and so many more reasons. You are not a monster Clarke. You aren't a monster, you're an angel." My breathe is taken away. I've never been called beautiful before, Finn and I weren't like that. I smile at her sweet words leaning in to kiss her. I put everything I have into the kiss and I feel she is too. "The stars still shine in your eyes, Clarke." She says between kisses making me smile again into the kiss. "You put others before yourself making you the most brilliant person I have ever meet." I feel tears running down my face as she kisses me again. They tears of joy instead of grief. _Whoever knew Commander Lexa was so sweet and caring?_

I bury my head in her shoulder just enjoying the comfort that I get when. We stay like this for the next few minutes just enjoying each other's bodies against our own. _Maybe when you remove all of that war paint from Lexa's face, she goes from the Commander to herself. The real Lexa that is only...how old is Lexa?_ "Lexa?" She hums in response so I continue. "How old are you?"

"I'm 19 winters, I was born on the 17th day of the last moon cycle of the year." She answers so her birthday is the 17th December. So Lexa is a year older than me. "I became the Heda when I was 14 and united the clans at 16." She continues rubbing my back and I nod. "You are 18, right?"

"Yeah, I was born on the 8th day of the 7th moon cycle." So that's 8th July.

"So you got sent down a month and two days before your 18th." Lexa states and I look at her to say why do you remember when I got sent down from the Ark? "That day 99 annoying brats got sent down here and one angel who I'm very much in love with." I smile at her kissing her again. _I really like this sweet side of Lexa._

"Commander, I think Clarke should leave soon or it will get dark and we might get lost." Octavia calls from outside of the tent. _Bad timing O, I really want to kill her right now._

I stand up immediately missing the feeling of her body against mine. I offer a single hand down to Lexa who rolls her eyes taking it. I half pull her up and the other half she does herself. "Octavia, you can come in." Lexa calls to Octavia. She quickly kisses my cheek before O can get inside and see us. I blush a light red biting my bottom lip. Octavia looks in between us with a cocked eyebrow.

"Hey Commander Heart Eyes." Octavia raises a eyebrow at Lexa in a silent challenge earning a glare from Lexa but it's almost playful. _I will never get their friendship if I'm honest._

Lexa smirks at my friend. "Hello berry girl." She smirk and Octavia groans at a silent memory which they are both remembering.

"Berry girl?" I ask looking at both of them. Lexa laughs whilst Octavia groans...again.

Lexa nods. "Well when we were looking for you, we stopped off for the night. Octavia grabbed some berries and eat them to only find they were hallucinogenic so for the next few hours she was saying she was one of the horses and eat a lot of grass and leaves. Bellamy and Lincoln was running after her for the whole night. I on the other hand was laughing too hard to help." Octavia's hands are over her face hiding it from the world. I laugh a little but also feel slightly bad for her too. "Octavia is right, you should be going." She turns to me with sadness in her eyes.

I nod in agreement. "Bye." I say awkwardly and she smiles.

"Goodbye Clarke, stay safe."

"You too."

"I'll wait outside, See you soon Lexa." Octavia said with a wave goodbye to Lexa who nods. Once she is out of the tent I pull her lips into mine. Not knowing the last time I will see her again. Lexa returns it grabbing my waist pulling me even closer.

The kiss breaks and I smile at her. Lexa grabs the knife from her belt. My expression is alarmed because well she just got her knife out of her belt for no reason. She chuckles and I relax a bit. "Something to remember me by." She places the knife flat onto my palm.

I wrap my hand around the handle putting it into my belt. "Thank you but I have nothing to give you and..." I'm cut off by her lips.

"There I just got a kiss, we are even." She says when our lips break contact, I giggle at how sweet Lexa really is. Within the whole big, scary Commander is a funny, sweet person. "Now you better go. Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim (May we meet again)." I learnt a few phrases off Octavia in the past week like that one.

"Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim (May we meet again)." I peck her lips before turning again and out of her tent trying to hide the smile which proves almost impossible.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry it took so long to update but I was away in Spain for the last 10 days so I had no time to update for you guys, I hope you enjoy this chapter and if you do please leave a review or PM me to ask a question. If you haven't already please leave a follow or a favorite. The next update with be next Wednesday. I hope you enjoy!**

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I was sat on a log around the camp fire with my people talking and some singing some songs which I don't know. The knife which Lexa gave me earlier that bad which is resting on my palm with me looking at it, the handle is covered with a type of black leather with different patterns in a grey. The blade is shiny, clean cut and deadly sharp. The hilt is metal and at the bottom is a simple name craved into it: Leska. I smile running my fingers over the tiny letters. "It's just a knife, Clarke." Raven said sitting down next to me with smirk not knowing who's this knife belonged to before she gave it to me.

Octavia puts a hand on my shoulder looking at the knife and she smirks. "Yes! I can tease her over this, finally I can tease her about something other than she looks like a raccoon sometimes." Octavia says giddily and I roll my eyes.

"Who are you going to tease over the knife?" Raven asks confused.

I glare at Octavia telling her not to tell Raven knowing that I will never hear the end of it. The both move closer to one another. "Lexa aka the Commander." Octavia says in a hushed voice. I sigh putting the knife away.

"What?" Raven exclaims a little too loud drawing attention to us. "Why would the Commander give Clarke a knife?" Raven asks and when she says 'the Commander' it's like she is drinking poison. "Plus why are you acting like you're friends with?" She snaps at Octavia.

"Because I am." Octavia states and Raven looks shocked and a little hurt too. "Why I get the peace and shit but she killed Finn!" She shouts looking at Octavia again people look at us.

"Truthfully I killed Finn and Lexa had no other choice or the clans would believe she is weak provoking more wars." I defend without truly thinking and Raven looks even more shocked. "To be honest Raven, I don't hold onto the past because I can't be bothered with the whole I can't love you because of this when we all know there is a possibility I will be dead by the morning or she might so what is the point of holding onto the past?" _Wait what did I just say? Crap! I just told her that I love Lexa._

"Did you just say you love her?" Raven looks even more hurt and I get why. I stole her boyfriend who she loved than I killed him after the women who I love currently ordered his death. _Wow this is kind of mess up._

I touch her wrist. "Can we please talk about this in private?" I plead to her knowing we can't let this get out yet and she nods. We walk into my tent. Her expression is pained probably reliving Finn's death. The difference between Raven and I. I've come to terms with Finn's death and what I did was the right thing to do for him with that came forgiveness than the pain went away, that is how I got over Finn completely. I look into her eyes to see tears welling up in them. "Raven, I didn't want to love Lexa." I begin looking into her eyes. She nods again looking down at the ground. "I don't know when it happened maybe it was after she saved my life from one of her generals, maybe it was when we fought that mutant gorilla thing, maybe it was after the missile. I have no idea." I say truthfully and Raven seems to be deep in thought.

"Clarke but you were in love with him and that happened so soon after his death, how?"

I sigh looking at her. "I did love Finn, he was my first love but I was never in love with him." I tell her and she nods knowing the difference between being in love and loving someone.

"Like he was with me, right?" She asks and I know this is a sore subject for both of us to talk about. I nod at her. "Okay so you fell in love with the Commander but why did she betray us if that was so?" She asks and I frown still not fully over her betrayal back at the Mountain feeling a twinge of anger and hurt run through me.

"To protect her people like what I did at the Mountain." I tell her and I sigh again. "Look Raven I don't know how I fell in love with Lexa but truthfully she is sweet, caring and selfless, yes I don't want you to be over the moon about it, all I want as your friend is that you respect it and don't tell anyone until Lexa and I figure this out fully."

"Clarke, I know that you didn't want to hurt me by falling in love with her so I understand and respect it so I won't tell anyone." She promises me and I sigh in relief not wanting to lose her too.

"Thanks Raven and I hope this won't affect our friendship because you're one of my best friends." Raven seems to think for about a minute or maybe it seems longer because I am nervous before speaking again.

"No you're still one of my best friends but just be careful, okay?" She asks concerned and I sigh of relief that I don't have to loss a friend over this. "Another thing, what is going to happen to Jasper if he returns?" I full on frown remembering what he said to Lexa and I.

"Octavia told you what happened?" I ask and she nods in response.

"Makes a lot more sense why the Commander freaked out on him." Raven adds and I notice the acidic tone in her voice when she says 'the Commander' is a little less acidic which is a bit of an improvement.

"Well he offended Lexa which would result death with the Grounders and if this truce should hold I should at least punish him but I don't know, Jasper is or was a good friend." I shrug feeling the pain of his words instantly missing the warmth and comfort that Lexa's arms provided me.

"He's an ass so if you don't kill him, I will." She says with a grin and I smile weakly at her pulling her into a hug. "We should go back outside before people start to think we are doing it." Raven teases wiggling her eyebrows seductively and I laugh at how ridiculous that is.

I smirk "Then you'd have to deal with a very anger Commander and she probably would kill you." I tease and Raven laughs.

"I could handle her, I'm half robot with this thing on my leg." She hits her brace and we laugh again.

Then Bellamy puts his arms around both of us walking into my tent. "Lexa would still kick your ass, she was practicing with Octavia and I swear she is a ninja."

Octavia frowns as she walks into my tent probably hearing us. "At least I wasn't beaten within ten seconds, big brother." Octavia retorts.

"Can you please not fight Lexa?" I ask concerned for more them than Lexa because I've seen her fight and Bell is right she is a ninja.

"Why worried I'm going to hurt her?" Octavia asks with a smirk.

"No I'm worried she might her you." I answer and she rolls her eyes. Then shouting from the gates come and I sigh. "You don't need to scream and shout if it's grounders, remember?" I shout walking closer to the gates. _They really are stupid._

"It's not grounders ma'am." A female guard tells me and that confuses me, why would they be shouting about a group coming to the gate if they aren't grounders... Oh my god it's Jasper and his bunch of merry men returning.

"Open the gates get guns on them to make sure they won't be hostile." I order just as I see that son of a bitch's face. I see a trickle of dried blood going down his neck and some on his collar from where Lexa's sword punctured. They all nod aiming their weapons as the gate opens. They instantly put their hands up and go onto their knees.

I walk to face them all to see two others from the 100, Harry and Phil, and the rest are of the people who wanted war. "Tie them up and lock them away until I've decided what their punishment for their treason should be." I say in a cold voice.

"What!" Harry shouts in disbelief. "We were going there to make sure the Commander didn't kill you." _Oh Lexa did kill me but not in that way, not a time for dirty thoughts,snap out of it!_ He tries to reason with me.

I tap my chin. "I only remember you offending the Commander and I wanting there not to be a truce between our lands making war." I see them all look at one another before glaring at Jasper. "Why aren't they out of here and in the jail already?" I snap at the guards who look stunned for a minute before doing their job.

They quickly get them out of my sight and I turn on my heels walking into the wreckage of the Ark where they are being kept. I spot Kane is stood at the entrance. "I'm not in the mood." I tell him.

"Treason?" He asks and I groan.

"Yes and they left camp without permission on your watch may I add." I walk past him but he keeps pace with me still trying to lecture me about something that I'm doing 'wrong'.

"What are you going to punish them with?"

"Everyone bar Jasper will get 20 lashes and Jasper I don't know yet, I want to speak to him before I decide what to do." I say and he nods in agreement.

"Okay that seems fair but Jasper is going to have a trail for his crimes." He tells me like he's in charge.

"Marcus you aren't in charge here, I am so I will decide what to do with Jasper." He looks like he's about to protest but we reach where the 10 are being kept. There is a clear wall in between us. They are agreeing on something until they see Marcus and I. "Get Mr. Jordan out of here and into a different cell and Marcus tell the others of their punishment which will take place tomorrow morning." I tell the first bit to the guard and the last part addressed to Marcus who nods.

I walk in front of Jasper and the guard guiding him. We walk into a small room with two metal chairs. "Sit him down on that chair," I order pointing at the far chair. "Then leave." I look at the guard as he sits Jasper on the chair and slowly leaves the room.

"Clarke I didn't mean to offend you, we really did what to help you out like I said I care about you but then when I saw her, I lost it." He explains and his voice is laced with pure hatred when he bring up Lexa.

I sit on the other chair opposite him. "Do you think that the Mountain would ever leave us alone, that what I did was bad?" I ask already knowing what his answer will be.

"Yes, I was about to kill Cage and it would of been over." I hold back a laugh at how naïve his thinking right now is.

"No most of the people wanted it so I killed a few who didn't to get rid of all threats from the Mountain. Their deaths weren't in vein but it doesn't matter to me." I'm trying to set him off to see how far he will go, maybe it's a bad idea but I don't really care at the moment.

His eyes are filled with white hot rage and so is his voice as he shouts. "Their deaths were do matter and they saved us but you killed them!" He takes a deep breathe before continuing. "You killed so many people, innocent people." He is full on crying. "You killed Maya." His voice is in a low whisper. Then he makes a fast but sloppy move to attack me but I counter it putting his arm painfully behind his back and Lexa's knife against his throat.

"Jasper don't make me kill you." I plead when though he has started to pissed me off he is still one of my friends who I care for. "I know you are hurting over Maya's death but do what I am doing instead of living in guilt let their lives be lived through you. You can't change your past, but you can let go and start your future." I say letting him go. He starts full on sobbing, I think this is the first time he's cried about it. "You will receive 20 lashes with the rest then it will be forgive." I say walking out of the room wiping a single tear off my cheek.

One of the medical staff come up to me. "Did someone get a boo boo and needs mommy to kiss it better again?" I snap not in the mood for this bullshit where they need me for everything. She flinches at my tone before talking.

"No your mother is being discharged and I thought you might want to know." I nod walking over to the medical tent. Raven is there with her and she smiles at me when I am in sight. _At least me being in love with Lexa didn't mess with our friendship._ I smile back at her before looking at my mom. She definitely looks better than she did the last time I saw her. She is standing up on her own.

"Clarke are you okay?" She asks and I roll my eyes. _She's the one getting out of the hospital and she's asking me if I'm okay, really?_

"Yeah I'm fine, how are you?" I respond walking over to them.

My mother know rolls her eyes at me. "Yeah I'm fine." She says mocking me. I resist rolling my eyes again. "Can I please leave this place now and get back to work?" She asks Jackson who smiles at her.

"Of course, see you in the morning Doctor Griffin." Jackson says as we walk out. My mom has a slight limp but looks to be doing fine. God this day has completely taken everything out of me from giving in to my love for Lexa, Jasper, Raven and just everything in between.

 **1 week ago**

I'm sat on a log whilst Gevo and Rae are still sleeping. They have been weird lately after they found out about me being the ex-leader of the sky people but that was a given. They left Tondc after the bomb hit out of fear of death. I haven't told them I knew of the bomb, well The Commander was at fault for no one being told. _Ha caring about her people, my ass!_ _She didn't have to do that to me! We could have won but no she has to leave me! Ugh I hate her so much!_ _Doesn't she understand how hurt I was by it, it made me almost get Octavia and I killed by my behavior outside of the Reaper entrance to the Mountain. She is probably sat on that throne laughing at how she did it to me making me think I could trust her then stabbing me in the back. I hate her! I hate her! I hate her!_ "Clarke you think too much for this early hour." Gevo says sitting next to me.

"Sorry your Commander pisses me off too much." I snap and he chuckles not waking his sister yet.

"She did with most but no one dared to say it, well I think that Costia did once but the branwada got herself captured by the Azkru." He says and I nod knowing of Costia. _Lexa probably didn't really care about her, she just was to keep her bed warm. She didn't care about me and she still said it!_ "I do not get your anger with the Commander really." Rae sits next to us after just waking up.

"She betrayed me at the Mountain and you don't get why I'm angry?" I snap Gevo who shrugs looking at his sister kissing her forehead.

"I know that but the Commander did it to save her people, wouldn't you do the same?" He says raising an eyebrow.

 _I've not really thought about it that way. More that she did not why. Hmm._ "I guess but they had the army, they would of won." I retort and he nods.

"Did you know about the missile on Tondc?" Rae asks me and I looked shocked for a moment, also maybe a little guilty.

I pause for a moment before answering. "Yes." She and her brother look furious with me but I continue. "My inside man told me and I rode to Tondc as soon as I could. The Commander and I left before it hit and took out the spotter." I finish and I stand up leaving them alone to talk. Another thing my bad choices have done. I hear them screaming at one another in Trigedasleng something tells me to run so I do. I know they are coming after to me to kill me. At least I won't have to live with the guilt anymore but I really want to punch Lexa in the face so I might as well keep running. I always do.

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 **I know no Lexa in this chapter but you got to see Clarke before Lexa saved her in chapter one. That was how she got attacked I won't be really going into how she meet them. Also Raven's react to Clexa being in love and she doesn't like it but does respect it. Next chapter will be Abby trying to ask Clarke for her to be the leader again. Lexa will make an appearance. Octavia and Lexa making fun of each other. Bellarke talking about Echo and Lexa. It will be out on Wednesday.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for all of the support and please keep it up! I love each and every one of you. We are on 83 follows, 33 favorites and 16 reviews which is just amazing and we are only on chapter 5. If you haven't already please follow or favorite maybe both. If you have a question or just what to support me then leave a review. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

 **1 week later**

Okay so this camp isn't as bad anymore. Most people have gotten the message I don't need to be told every little detail about every little thing, I say most because a few do love to tell me if they have a bruise on their elbow so can't work today. Normally I just ignore them and they get the message. _At least Lexa's people aren't wimps, lucky._ I smile thinking of the that certain brunette who is leader of the 12 clans. How long has it been since I saw her? What like a week. That's so long! I miss her. N _ot that she's in my dreams every night or anything, okay maybe she is but I don't care. I'm allowed she loves me and no one else so yeah._ I think I'm becoming pathetic...

I see Octavia and Bellamy arguing over something, it's probably something petty. As normal but I still start walking over there. "It's unfair and inhuman." Octavia states with a stern voice. Making Bellamy chuckle.

"O what's wrong with you?" I ask and Octavia looks at me with a smile just after glaring at Bellamy who laughs harder.

"Your mom won't let me leave camp, why is she in charge again?" Octavia asks and I'm confused. To my knowledge I'm in charge not my mother, actually she is only a doctor without really an power. So how can she give orders. _I knew this would happen!_

"I'll be right back." I mutter leaving them to go find my mom. I know she is probably in the medical tent so that is where I go first. She may be my mom but this isn't acceptable. One Octavia is Trigedakru as much as she is one of us so she can go back to Tondc if she wants and no one can stop her and two who gave her the power in the first place to ban people from going out of the camp because it wasn't me. I see her treating a guy who has a cut on his forehead, she is cleaning it. Once she's finished I walk over. She smiles at me but it stops when she sees my annoyed expression. "Who gave you the authority to tell Octavia that she can't leave the camp?" I ask raising an eyebrow.

"I was meaning to talk to you authority." She begins but I cut her off.

"Let me guess you want to be in charge again." I snap and she takes a deep breathe.

"Yes Clarke, I'm your mother and was only unfit to lead because of my injuries so isn't it the right thing to do to make me the Chancellor again?" She answers and I fight the giant urge to roll my eyes at her.

"You may have been technically leading before however who was it who the Grounders trust, who the Commander trusts? Me. Who saved us from the Mountain? Me. Who made all of the hard decisions other than what to do about Jaha? Me. I'm asking you this what have you done since we arrived on the ground other than argue with Kane and Jaha over who's our leader?" I ask her and she crosses her arms. She doesn't answer for a minute and I nod knowing I'm right. "Nothing you did nothing. So why is it that your the right choice for being our leader again? Because your an adult. All you've done as the leader is put Jaha in prison because he didn't agree with you. Mom I love you but up in the sky you would of been a good, a great leader but down here it's a different ball game and I'm the better choice." I sigh feeling a little better getting everything off my chest. _I wish we had a system like the Grounders, she's our leader because they have the Commander's spirit so no one can question it. I hate democracy._

"Okay Clarke you've made your point can I make mine without being interrupted?" My mom asks after a long pause.

"Maybe."

"Clarke you're still a child," _Ugh I'm not a child, I caused a genocide. So I'm not your little girl to be honest I wish I still was but I'm not._ I fight the urge to interrupt and win. "and you don't know how to lead," _I'm pretty sure I lead the 100 without having a clue what to do and we stopped 300 grounders under my leadership but please continue. Again fucking democracy._ "so shouldn't someone mature take over, Clarke you're a teenager and should be doing things that teenagers do not leading a group of people," _Yup I'm not mature haven't been in two wars already where I was basically leading my people. Plus what am I meant to do gossip around the camp fire and giggle when someone cute walks past us. Yeah I'll pass on that. Now I also hate mothers._ "Do you get where I'm going from with me being the leader?"

"Okay I've bit my tongue the whole of that speech. Okay I'm not a going to be a 'normal' teenager, whatever that means. I've gone through too much to be and maybe I shouldn't be this mature for my age. Maybe I should be saying I love you to every people who shows me the littlest bit of affection who will probably just use me. But ever since dad died I've not been the same, the Ground has helped me grow. I'm not the same girl who would watch sports with dad, Wells and Jaha who would do what she's told. So stop seeing me as that because I'm no longer Clarke, that little girl who was only known as the daughter of Abigail and Jake Griffin. I'm Clarke kom Skaikru, the Skia Prisa." I answer walking out of the tent which we were in. I wipe a tear away which I didn't even realize I shed until I wiped it away.

I notice Octavia sat on a loge prodding the ash of last nights fire with a stick. I sit down next to her and she raises an eyebrow. "I hate emotions." I mutter picking up a stick joining her in stabbing the ashes.

"Don't go all Lexa on me with the whole I don't feel but I'm bummed out because Clarke's missing but I'd never tell you that." Octavia says with a smirk and I look at her confused. "The second week of you being gone she was on a permanent downer, I think that's when she admitted that she loved you. She was a bore." Octavia explains and we both turn away from each other messing with the remains of the fire. "So Skia Prisa why are you so bummed?" Octavia asks me trying to get a rise out of me by using the nickname.

"My mom basically saying I'm an immature child who shouldn't be the leader but she should. Then I reminded myself of my dad and Wells so now I'm sad." I tell her and before she can reply something coming from the dead zone rushes about 20 meters from our camp in the direction of Tondc. It hits before I can even blink with an explosion which we can see. I'm in too much shock to say anything.

 _Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Lexa is in Tondc._ I cover my mouth with my hand. I know people are shouting but I can barely hear them. I look at Octavia who looks like she's about to die. She is on her knees with her head in her hands against the ground, she's crying. _What? How? Who did this? Is Lexa? No she can't be dead maybe this is just a really bad dream._ I don't know if their are tears or not. I look at Bellamy who has the same face as his sister. I don't feel myself going to hug him but I do. He returns the hug and he's crying. I can feel myself doing the same.

I shake out of the daze when I feel the tears. I quickly wipe them away looking around most people are whispering and have stopped working. I break the hug rubbing my hands over my face stopping the tears. I take a few deep breathes before speaking. "Bell are you okay?" I ask snapping him out of the shock.

He shrugs running his hands in frustration through his hair. "Are you?" He deflects and I shrug like he did. Raven comes running up to us with a slight limp, because of the leg.

"It was Jaha." She states and look at her as if she is crazy. Octavia is still on the ground having a breakdown when Bellamy takes her into his arms. _God Octavia that's also her home, she was in love with Lincoln, Indra was her mentor, she was friends with many others and Le-._ I feel a wave of panic run through me when I think of her. _She isn't dead._ I look back over to Octavia who is buried in her brother's chest hysterically crying. Bellamy is also has a few tears running down his face. The only reason I'm not crying is because I'm detracting myself.

"What mean it was Jaha?" I ask letting my frustration run through my voice. Raven doesn't even seem to respond to it probably expecting it.

She rubs my upper arm as comfort and I give her a small smile. "A few seconds before the missile hit we got a message from Jaha saying he was about to save us all then I heard the explosion." I feel rage fill me.

"Jaha is a moron! What was that fool thinking?" I ask to no one in partially.

"He was thinking that we were still at war with them, should we go and help?" My mother says to me and I feel like she's finally got it in her head that I'm in charge.

I nod in agreement. "Yeah bring a group of medics and I think Octavia, Bellamy, you and me should also go. You're our best doctor, I'm our leader so it will be easier to explain how they will blame us and Bellamy and Octavia have loved ones there." _I also have a loved one there but you don't need to know that yet._ "Raven you stay here to tell us if anything else happens by radio and tell Kane's he is in charge whilst we are gone and allow no one to leave without my permission." I order and she nods.

The whole preparation is takes about 20 minutes with everyone getting a horse, given to us by the Grounders. _Came in handy for them right?_ With a group of 10 medics ridding with the 10 of who can ride. My mom is ridding with me and Bellamy has Octavia with him, who is still in a panic, shock state. She hasn't said a word. We have some medical supplies, food, water. We decided not to bring weapons at to show that we mean no harm. The ride at top speed is an hour journey, maybe a 40 minutes. _Thank god I learnt about the woods during my time living in the woods._

We reach the first place that the blast hit, trees without leaves and some scorched but not burning. I see the ruins which seems to snap Octavia out of it looking at what is in front of us. Rubble everywhere and everyone working. Many heavily injured. I hear someone shout "Skaikru!" I get why. We are the easy people to blame. Only people with technology with the Mountain being gone. Indra is stone cold glaring at us.

"Indra I swear the Sky people had nothing to do with this." I say dismounting my horse the others do but don't move.

"Why should I believe you?" She spits and I notice there is a cut across her forehead coming down from her hairline.

I open my jacket letting her see I have no weapons, not even Lexa's knife. "If this was an attack wouldn't I bring armed guards with me not medics?" I ask and she looks at each one of them especially Octavia trying to figure out what we are doing.

"You have a point, we need all the help we can have. Your medics can help our healers and your others can help get people out." She says and I nod letting them all run off to go help. Octavia hugs Indra who hugs her back before Octavia runs off to go find the others. "The Commander will want to talk to you." I feel a giant weight lift off my chest when she tells me Lexa is alive.

"Of course." I reply and watch Bellamy hug Echo in the distance before helping her. "I know what happened but it wasn't the Sky people." I tell her and she nods believing me. I see Lincoln look at me and I point the direction Octavia went in. He nods at me with a slight smile before almost running off in that direction. I see him reach her and she jumping into his arms.

We reach a makeshift tent. "Commander Clarke kom Skaikru is here and some of her people are helping." Indra calls from outside.

"Allow her in." Lexa says in a stern voice. _I thought I was never going to hear her voice again._ I enter the tent to see Lexa stood there. I can't help myself but wrap my arms around her in a bone crushing hug. She stiffens for a seconds before returning the hug. I let her go and a single tear is rolling down my cheek. She wipes it away with her thumb cupping my cheek. Her green eyes are locked with mine. I lean in to capture her lips in my own, she returns it. Her arms wrap around my waist pulling me closer taking control of the kiss. I put one of my hands on a side of her neck and the other is on her collarbone. I moan into the kiss allowing her to enter her tongue into my mouth.

The kiss breaks and we are both panting. I rest my forehead against her own. "I thought you were dead." I whisper and she pecks my lips once more to prove she is not. "I love you so much." I quickly scan her whole body to check if there is any injuries to find there are none. I sigh in relief

"I love you too Clarke and I am not harmed, when the bomb hit I was with a hunting party." Lexa explains and I stare into her eyes getting lost in them. "What happened?" She asks me moments later snapping me out of the daze which her eyes brought on.

"Do you remember Jaha?" I ask and she nods. "Well he is no longer part of the the Sky People when he went off into the dead zone to look for the City of Light." I start to tell her but she cuts me off.

"The City of Light is nothing more than panels that reflect the sunlight, we have sent many scouts to find it. That was all they found." Lexa says pushing a piece of hair out of my face.

"Well he found not only a way to launch a missile but the technology to contact us about it a few seconds before it hit." My radio starts to make noise. I take it from my belt opening the line. Putting a bit of space between Lexa and I. "Raven what is it?" I ask and Lexa seems interested going behind me looking down at the walkie-talkie. "Raven come in, why are you on the line? I am in the middle of talking with the Commander." I wait for the snort and her to say something like 'yeah talking.'

"Clarke Griffin? Where is your mother? Why are you talking to the leader of those monsters?" Someone says from the other line. Jaha. I hear Lexa growl behind me and I look back at her.

I turn back on Jaha being able to hear my voice. "I'm in charge and because the Commander needs to know the bomb which you attacked them with wasn't our fault, how you aren't Skaikru since you left becoming no more than a Nomad." I reply keeping my voice as neural as I can.

There is a long pause where I look at Lexa who seems to be boiling with anger but isn't saying anything. I turn around pulling her lips into mine. I break the kiss to see most of the anger gone and there is love, passion and lust in her eyes. The static comes through breaking our eye contact. "Clarke, I have known you since a child. My son was in love with you," There is annoyance and anger in his voice. I see possessiveness in Lexa's eyes and I roll my eyes at what he said. "but you weren't with him." Lexa calms down. _Hmm Lexa is sexy when she's being possessive._ "I forgave you for that. You aren't fit to lead you are too young unlike me and your mother." _Why does everyone keep saying that. I'm ready for them to print it on my forehead._ I roll my eyes at that. Lexa seems confused about this, how she came to power when she was 14.

I cut him off. "Age isn't a thing on the ground. Also I saved our people from the Mountain whilst you and Murphy were making playing in the sand." I say still in a neutral tone not letting him see my emotions. "So Jaha you acted alone and in spite of the Grounders by your attack because we are at peace however you are not at peace with no Sky person or Grounder. I will not kill you if you come back that honor is at the hands of the Commander. I hope you enjoy your life being completely alone. Goodbye Jaha." I say and I let go of the button which allows me to talk so he can no longer hear us. I put the walkie-talkie back on my belt.

"We should go back outside to show both mine and your people that I haven't slit your throat." Lexa says in a slightly playful tone. I smile at her pecking her lips.

"I guess so and I'm not going to act like you couldn't, I'm not Octavia." She smirks grabbing my waist crashing our lips together. I return the kiss not being able to get enough of her lips. She cups my cheeks and mine rest around her neck. We break the kiss needing air and I see my mom at the entrance to the tent. One word can describe my feeling right now: _Crap!_

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 **So Tondc goes bomb because of Jaha who will come back. Abby knows about Clarke and Lexa, which will be fun and super awkward to write. So leave your support and see you next Wednesday!**


	6. Hiatus

Okay so right now I don't have time to write due to the fact I just started university and my course is hard with it being medicine so I don't have as much time to write once my schedule and the I'm not so tired I will write some more but until then I need to concentrate on school. Sorry but I'm putting all of my stories on hiatus until further notice.


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